Things You Learn from the Other Side


There are certain things about weddings you only learn when you throw one, like the true value of a plus one or the importance of not bugging the couple with logistical questions the week of the wedding.

As our mail has come in over the last few days, I’ve learned I am a jerk, because a) I hardly ever send RSVP cards back promptly b) I have never in my life written a note on one.

But here we are and every RSVP we’ve gotten thus far has a little message on it, from “Beautiful invitations!” (Thank you!) to “Lame!” regarding the presence of crab in both of our non-vegetarian entree options (Bite me, Josh, I’ll sign you up for the kosher variation).

Is this normal? Should I have been writing a quick greeting on RSVP cards all these years? I know that back in the way-back people didn’t include an RSVP card because it was expected that the guests would send their own note. But that was before cell phones and the internet, so that rule is too old to count. I mean, it’s not like I tell people my phone number starting with the word “Parkview.” Times change, right?

Or am I just a timeless jerk? Do you write a little note on the RSVP cards you send back? If you’re married, did you learn to do it from that? Because I feel like I have to from now on.


  1. I only did/do on very close friends or family – weddings I’m particularly giddy about.

    If it’s early in your RSVP receival, you might be getting a lot of cards back from the close folks (those stragglers/fringe people wait til the bitter end!) and that could have an impact on the high volume of notes…

  2. We’ve been getting some notes on our RSVP cards as they come in, and like yours, they’re filled with little notes. It’s pretty fun, I have to admit, and it’s made me want to start doing the same for other folks. I’m guessing Kerry is right – I bet the notes will dwindle with the stragglers.

    • Right? From here on out, I’ll be writing notes. I mean, when I hang on to the card and don’t end up RSVPing on Facebook, like I did for the wedding I am going to on Friday. I’m a doof.

  3. I didn’t know people did this before my wedding either, but I LOVED getting those little notes – it makes it even more exciting to get the RSVPs (and softens the blow when it’s a no). I always put a little note on the rsvp card now – and I also now always return the card right away because I know how it feels to chase the stragglers.

  4. Haha, I totally am always the girl who RSVPS just before the deadline, and no, I had no idea that people wrote notes on reply cards until we got married. But we both swore that from now on, we’d RSVP right away and write happy little notes on those cards from now on because they just made us so happy! Of course we just received our first wedding invitation since our wedding, and due to financial circumstances are still trying to figure out whether or not we’ll be able to attend–so much for that plan!

    • Yeah the aforementioned wedding that I RSVP’d to on Facebook was a matter of not knowing if Collin would be able to get out of work. Better to reply a little later but accurately, right?

  5. OMG I forgot to mention this tonight! I sealed up the RSVP today and specifically did NOT write on it, even though I wanted to.

    I’m not sure what I wanted to write…I think it was going to be something like “hell yeah we’ll be there!” or “love you” or “see you tonight” or “heeeeeeeeeeeeey”. My gut reaction in responding so formally to my best friend’s formal situation was to de-formalize it. Natch.

    But I didn’t, I think, because of the formality of it, which I tend to respect in situations like this? Or at least, I want to. I don’t know. It felt like a ‘grown-up moment’…responding to your wedding RSVP. (even writing that is so nuts!) And being one of your biffs, I could have written 1,000 things on there…thus, I chose to write nothing. Because I can be a serious grown-up guest of this wedding too. Even though I’m GOING to pull you aside right before you’re about to cut the cake to inform you who is wearing a god-ugly dress and OMG you have to look RIGHT NOW.

    • So Collin just booked our flight out for our Honeymoon for Monday. You know what that means, right? Sunday goss de-briefing. Preferably at Eat N Park.

  6. the only time i did was to make a big goofy message (that my boyf could not attend because he was being rubbish and abroad that day) on the RSVP and then moments later realised that the recipient was not going to be the bride (my friend), but rather her mom was and then had to write HER a note to apologise for defacing the lovely RSVP and being a massive tool.

    so a message and a note in one.

    not my coolest moment.

    • I thought about that last night when I was talking about this with some friends. The brides’ mother is OFTEN the recipient of the RSVPs, right? And sometimes even a wedding planner? That could get awkward.

  7. I never wrote notes because I felt like they’d mess up the RSVP. Which stinks. Because I’d rather do the excitement.

    I have become MUCH better at RSVPing since thinking about having a wedding, though. It’s driving me nuts that we’re a month and a half out and over half the people HAVEN’T RSVP’d! Sigh.

  8. hi! i have never written on one besides my best friends! i always thought they were so formal that i shouldnt mess with the design! but hearing this, i cant wait to see if people write notes on our response cards! and i will def write more in the future!

  9. I cringe at my late/casual/complete-lack-of RSVP responding in the past. Wedding planning is making me a better person. I guess its all worth it after all!

  10. You are a jerk.


  11. Our RSVP’s are all at our website, but I really like it when people leave a note too! I think I will start leaving notes from now on…even if it is the mom getting the notes, if you keep it “clean” then who cares?

    And I’m totally laughing over here thinking about all the annoying things that pop up when you’re planning a wedding that you would think nothing of if you were the one doing it…I actually had one guest (a family friend) ask if I could book her hotel for her! As if planning a wedding by myself wasn’t enough to do…sheesh.

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