Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore


I don’t have addresses for more than half our wedding guest list.  This, despite the fact that Collin and I both had sisters marry in 2009. Stop moving, everyone!

And seriously, what’s so hard about saying who you are dating on Facebook?  I KNOW, I KNOW. I know exactly what is so hard about it.  But it’s not my fault I was practically engaged by time I joined Facebook.  And I can’t address an invitation to “Mary Sue Noncommittal and It’s Complicated.”

Meanwhile, Facebook.  Don’t you think you should give everyone a place to indicate if they happen to be a judge or a doctor or have some other status where I would be mortified if I accidentally sent them an invitation that says “Mr.” or “Ms.”? It would be just another form of bragging, which is essentially the raison d’être of Facebook, no? (To be fair, I didn’t see The Social Network.)

Also, how do I decide who gets a “Mrs.” on her invitation?  I generally hate that title, but far be it from me to impose a “Ms.” on a nice married lady who embraces the R in the middle.  Is it safe to “Mrs.” every married woman who took her husband’s name and is not a doctor or a judge? Or is that making assumptions I shouldn’t make?

In short, there are only a few short weeks until my save-the-date deadline, and my Excel spreadsheet is a sea of blank cells, and my etiquette needs a re-sharpening. HALP.


  1. For our save the dates, we just addressed them as “Jane and John Doe”, instead of “Mr. and Mrs. John Doe”. The latter was too formal for us. We just got finished with our invitations and on most of them, we put “Mr. and Ms. John Doe”, because we figured we would “offend” less people that way. A lot of our married friends are younger and prefer “Ms.” to “Mrs.”, so we took a gamble. For the older couples, we put “Mrs.” though. We definitely “over-thought” this, but oh well…

  2. We got around that by doing what Laura did above, except we did it for both the STDs and the invitations. Oops. Then again, we come from hard, earthy stock that is generally unconcerned with the ways of high-falutin’ etiquette and our friends are uncouth. You may not be able to have such a relaxed, casual approach with some of your guests.

    As for the dates? We only put two names down if the couple in question was married, single but living together, or knocked up. The wedding is a ways off, anyway — the noncommittals/it’s complicateds could very well go through a couple more potential date names before then — we definitely had at least one friend go through a nasty breakup between the STDs and the invites. We made sure to take HIS name off the mailing address, that’s for sure.

  3. I hear you on the address changes. It felt like practically half our guest list moved between the STD’s and the invites. We even had one person who moved in between when the invitation was SENT and when it ARRIVED (that was the only one returned to us). Are you kidding me?

  4. Does anyone on your family send holiday cards? Because their lists are priceless. And they’re probably verifying names RIGHT NOW so you could piggyback and save a whole bunch of time. Just a thought :) If not, convince a family member they need to send cards this year and enlist her help with the project :)

    Oh, and we were all about the first names instead of titles. Then again, our invite envelopes were yellow or or “peacock” and the party was an eclectic shindig, so perhaps that fit our style more than yours. Good Luck!

  5. ha ha ha this is so great. I found out many a significant others name through facebook. also, I totally didn’t follow any etiquette and addresses envelopes to just people’s first names like ‘amy and wayne’ which came in handy especially when I was unsure of the last names of several people’s children. I didn’t do any miss or mrs or dr etc. oops.

    good luck!

  6. We are totally going to do first and last names on the invites (still not sure if we are doing save the dates). We aren’t formal people. I doubt this will offend anyone.

    If you want to go more formal, you’ll need to enlist the help of older family that are close to the folks you aren’t sure about their titles and how they prefer to be addressed. Friends I feel you can ask flat out what they prefer.

  7. We’ve used first and last name with no titles for everyone, on both STDs and the invitation envelopes.

    In other news, I’ve just warned Tony that if he doesn’t get to work on the invitation artwork, I’m going to just order something.

  8. We did just first and last names for everything. For addresses just send out a mass bcc email to all the people you still need addresses for or are unsure if they have moved recently. I don’t think people would be offended my a mass email if it is just to get their address. I guess that is assuming you have email addresses for all these people.

  9. We just did “Bob and Jane Buckle” for all our invites. No need to worry about Mrs. or Ms. that way. Also, the great thing is that you may offend people…but you’ll probably never hear it! (I have a red rage every time I get mail that is just addressed to Mr and Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast. Hellloooooo! I’m a person, too! But I would never say anything to the people who sent it.)

  10. I MRS’d every woman who had taken her husband’s last name. Nobody had a problem with it. For the most part, I knew the people who were doctors and our invites went out after the bar, so really, Mark did it. Which was good, for the two people whose names he got wrong, because I could blame him for the mix-ups. I too am uptight about etiquette, but not uptight enough to refer to anyone as Mrs. Hisfirst Hislast, because that makes me feel icky.

  11. This is issue is daunting me as well. One example: my best friend’s mom has a Ph.D. and kept her maiden name and her dad is a medical doctor. I suppose I’ll have to just suck it up and do some investigating…or maybe delegate that to a family/bridal brigade member…I’ve been getting really good at delegating.

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