I didn’t do a half-marathon training post yesterday because I have nothing new to say, my main issue with training continues to be my bad attitude.
Which is no surprise because my main issue with life right now is my bad attitude.
I have become disturbingly susceptible to fluctuations with my meds schedule. We went away this weekend and I foolishly left my Prozac at home, which I actually realized about twenty minutes into our drive and thought to myself, “It will amount to exactly one missed dose and you’re allowed your occasional ‘drug holiday’ anyway! It’ll be FINE.”
It was not fine. By Sunday night, I felt, as I told Collin, “unrelentingly bleak” and couldn’t bear to do anything but sleep. And that was after I’d taken my pill. Instant-release antidepressants, get invented already!
The saddest part is that one of the reasons I’ve stuck with Prozac despite suffering from more side effects with it is that it has the longest half-life of the generic SSRIs, so it is the most “tolerant of substandard med compliance” or whatever a medical journal might say. I’m supposed to be able to miss a dose and not crash into misery.
Aside from, obviously, not being super keen on feeling miserable, I hate feeling so dependent on pills to stay normal. That’s probably one of the most common gripes of people on any sort of medication, and I don’t totally understand the psychology of why it is so offensive to us to need to constantly treat chronic conditions. Is it maybe a cultural thing? If I were German or Indian or Canadian would I feel differently about having to take a pill every day? I wish I could feel more comfortable with it, or at least redirect my emotions on the subject to gratitude that there IS a pill I can take every day that allows me to get out of bed and smile and actually experience life.
What is it about “taking a pill every day” that feels so burdensome?