Missed Weddings


Everyone goes through a phase in life where they go to a wedding every other weekend. Or at least what feels like every other weekend.  It usually hits around your late twenties.

I’ll be spending a nice big chunk of my late twenties in South Africa.

I’m going to miss A LOT of weddings.  Off the top of my head, I can think of six close friends and one family member already engaged to be married after we leave for Cape Town.  And I’m probably forgetting someone.  If I were not feeling so lazy I’d walk over to my fridge and observe the gallery of Save the Dates for weddings we won’t be able to attend.

It’s a sad feeling.  In case you haven’t gathered from the thousands of words I’ve written about weddings here and in other fora, I really, really like weddings.  And I really, really like my friends and family, and I hate that for a lot of those people I’ll be missing one of the happiest days of their lives.

We’ve already had to miss a few weddings (one a week before ours, one a week after), and that was sad and disappointing.  When we miss weddings because we’re 24 hours on a plane and $2,000 in airfare away, I think it will be not only sad and disappointing, but very isolating.

I hope my dear ones who get married when I’m gone know how much I wish I could be there, and somehow manage to have adequate weddings without being graced by my presence.  And as cheesy as this sounds, I hope that Collin and I can serve as a good example of the power of marriage as I follow him to the opposite side of the globe.


  1. You need to start lobbying them all to spend their honeymoons in Africa.

  2. I know what you mean, has happened to me a few times already. Actually since both brother and sister are engaged, we are headed to the other side of the world twice this year,, not sure how we will manage but we will.
    AS for friends… it is hard, and it is not the same thing, but I had friends “live streaming” for me, and as much discussion there is about the unplugged wedding, it meant a lot to me to be able to see snippets and even a video as it happened…

  3. it’s so, so hard. I live in the UK though am from California. I’ve missed more weddings in the last few years than I can count (to say nothing of cuddling friends new babies etc). I’ve also randomly gotten some cheap airfare and used frequent flier miles to be at a few as well (top ex-pat tip, get a credit card that links to air miles now, so every time you spend money you get miles. boring, but great. I’ve had 2 free tickets just from grocery shopping).

  4. During the year I lived in Australia my best friend from high school and my best friend from college both were married, and I was supposed to be in both wedding parties! It hurt a lot at the time, but there was no question I couldn’t afford to come back.

    No advice to offer, unfortunately. And it’s hard to say now whether that mattered to our friendships; my college friend and I are as tightly connected as always, while my friend from high school has gone in a different direction and we rarely speak any longer.

  5. We missed two weddings this past year of dear friends and to make myself feel better about it we sent “care packages” to the hotel they were staying in on the night of the wedding with snacks and a mini bottle of champagne and odds and ends (one groom even actually needed the travel toothbrush I threw in there because he didn’t have one). It would definitely be costly (especially with international shipping?) if you have 6 or 7 this year, but I know they were very much appreciated and made the couple know that we were thinking of them. Maybe something pared down to send them the week before would work?

  6. This past summer was our summer of weddings. And because we got married this summer and therefore used most of my vacation days on it, and because I live so far away from a good many of my friends, I missed a lot of weddings.

    It was really tough to deal with, but I tried to make up for it through cards, text messages, and presents shipped to them.

    But it still wasn’t the same as being there. I definitely had to mourn that fact.

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