The HitchDied Guide to Cuddling


Cuddling is one of the foundations of our relationship.  We talked about cuddling A LOT in our wedding ceremony (one of my favorite comments on the ceremony was from a married couple who said “I like that you emphasized the importance of squeezing” and then demonstrated their favorite cuddle positions on the floor.)

So, with debt and gratitude to the greatest stick-figure illustration of cuddling of all time, I present some our favorite cuddle positions:

Spooning.  The classic.  I am the little spoon about 90% of the time, because I’m too cold to big the big spoon.  Collin and I are close in height and similarly proportioned, so when we spoon we are able to get nearly full body contact.  It is amazing.  Also, one of my favorite memories from the beginning of our relationship was the first night Collin slept over without any banging beforehand, and before we got in bed he said in his most seductive voice, “I am going to spoon the shit out of you.”  That was my “This guy should be my boyfriend” moment.  So spooning really is the foundation of our relationship.

The real nickname we have for this position is not fit to print, so let’s just diplomatically call it The After Position.  After what? I think you know.  I use Collin’s chest as a pillow and curl up against the rest of his body, he gives me a loose hug from his sprawled-out place on the bed.

The Gravity Squeeze.  This is something Collin introduced me to.  It was hard to draw, but it is easy to explain: one person lies flat on his or her back, the other person lies on top of their body, face down.  The bottom person gets squeezed with zero effort by the top person, just their weight.  The top person gets to enjoy nearly full-body contact.  Plus, faces together for easy kiss access.  The only drawback is that the top person starts to feel really heavy pretty fast.  The Gravity Squeeze is a fleeting bliss.

The Diagonal Attack.  This is a recent favorite of Drobin (aka Drunk Robin).  Collin tries to curl up on his side minding his own sleeping business, and Drobin reorients herself diagonally across the bed so she can bend her legs over his pelvis.  Her arms flail about and generally end up hitting Collin in the face, so he tries to rouse me by hitting back, but eventually submits to my diagonal will.  I maintain this position was born out of necessity, trying to get back under the covers that Collin has stolen.

The Butt Bump.  Sometimes you really want to be turned one way, and your partner wants to be turned the opposite way.  This should not preclude cuddling.  We like to back up until our butts are pressed up against each other.  This solution gets bonus points because Collin has a nice big runner’s tushy.  For extra credit you can also bend your legs enough to start playing backwards footsie.

What are some of your favorite cuddle positions?


  1. We use all of these cuddles all the time, and this post gave me big warm fuzzies. Awwwww.

  2. “eventually submits to my diagonal will” – LOL

    “I maintain this position was born out of necessity, trying to get back under the covers that Collin has stolen.” – agreed.

  3. This post is adorable. And we do the Gravity Squeeze pretty often because our couch is too narrow for us to lay down side-by-side (even on our sides).

    One of our favorites at the beginning was something we call the koala, where I wrap both my arms and legs around his torso and hang on like a koala on a tree (only not so ornery. Most of the time). Now we are lazy and only do the half-koala, which is both my left leg and left arm around his torso while we are lying in bed.

  4. This is the greatest post….ever. The Gravity Squeeze is essential! I also use it as an anti-anxiety technique. It seems like compression might make one more anxious, but it is the *most* soothing. I also find brevity is not a necessary component of the Gravity Squeeze. If it were up to me, someone would lie on top of me like that all night. Comfiest sleep ever!

    • This is 100% truth. Kaitlin almost fell asleep on the type of couch you find in a cabin in the woods (AKA not the comfiest in the world) with me on top of her like that. I was trying to prove “Kaitlin this can’t be comfortable.” And she was like “Wrong! I love it so muchzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”

  5. We like to call your “gravity squeeze” “blanket.” It can also be used in a sentence like “I like how you used ‘blanket’ in your last sneak cuddle attack. Very much enjoyed the diagrams.

  6. My problem is always: “what to do with the extra arm!!” in spooning! There’s always that arm of the back spoon that doesn’t really fit anywhere. If you put it under the other person’s head, it falls asleep, if you leave it out it gets squished. Argh! The extra arm!

    Do you have a solution?!

  7. We use all of these positions. The only other one I would add is the Sofa Snuggle, where Tony will sit down with his feet on the ottoman, and I will lay down using his his belly/side as a pillow (forming a snuggly L). He likes to play with my hair when we’re in the Sofa Snuggle.

  8. The Butt Bump is how we sleep most nights. We’re both more comfortable facing away from each other, but want to maintain contact.

    We’re also a big fan of the Lap Snuggle on the sofa. One person sits all the way to one side, and the other person lays on the sofa, with their head in person A’s lap. thus pereventing person A from using their computer, forcing head rubs.

  9. Love all of these! And especially the illustrations!

  10. Hahaha! “Drobin.” Nice.

  11. Haha! Nice. We’re big on the cuddling here (except when we’re actually falling asleep for the night; we never sleep entwined like they do in the movies). I think we do versions of all these except the Gravity Squeeze.

    Another we like: face down spooning (sandwiching?) One person lies on their stomach and the other person lies face-down on that person’s back. Good for a full-contact back massage… though only for a short time or else Bottom Person starts feeling like they’re being flattened. ;)

  12. Yes, YES to all of these! Every night when we go to bed, we chat for a bit. Then we turn out the light and Joe rolls over and backs that thang up. I am usually the big spoon. It all started when I had really bad cramps and asked him to use his butt as a heating pad on my tummy. Then it just became habit.

    Occasionally, he is the big spoon. But that’s rare.

    Why is that second position like, the BEST post-coital thing ever? I swear it’s like men are biologically engineered to be on their backs right after love-making, which makes this position the obvious solution.

    Joe and I love the gravity squeeze. He likes me on top even though I’m chubby. I sometimes ask if I’m hurting him. The answer is always no. :)

    I <3 the butt bump. It's the best when you're both too warm to snuggle.

    • I will also do the ‘gravity’ snuggle and I’m like am I hurting you?? (I’m not super chunky but Mike is also 1/8 the size of Joe). He always says no too :)

      He does sometimes say it with like, a breathless strain in his voice though. I think he honestly likes the feel of me on top of him enough that he endures as long as he can, even if it does get uncomfortable.

  13. I think reading this post made clear to me how much I don’t like cuddling.

  14. I have too long of a reply in my head but I’ll start with: have you seen this?


  15. I can sometimes find cuddling anxiety inducing, especially when actually trying to sleep (trapped! I’m trapped! and it’s hot! and if I crack my knee, I will wake you up and you will hate me forever so I will not crack my knee. But my knee hurts. And my neck hurts. Moving, though, will surely ruin everything. So I will stay still, like a normal person. And go to sleep. Now. Right….now. Sleep. Now. [repeat as needed]) but I don’t want to lose out on the physical affection. I find that being the big spoon is the best solution to this. I’m less entangled so I can crack my knees, or get up and walk around without really disturbing the other sleeper. I enjoy sleeping as the little spoon if I am so exhausted that my brain can’t be bothered to get anxious (sleeping pill can also be substituted here) and I can just reptile-brain enjoy the cuddling.

    If it’s about 70 degrees or higher in the room, though, the butt bump is probably the closest I can get to a sleep-cuddle.

    I most want to be the little spoon if I am sad or anxious, assuming that sad or anxious mood hasn’t swung me in the opposite direction and I don’t want to be touched at all. (I’m a complicated lady)

    In addition to the chest pillow, I’m also a fan of the face-to-face arm and leg tangle for temporary post-coital snoodling. I have come pretty close to investing in the armadillow before, because limbs falling asleep is the worst.

    As you may have gathered above (or known from…knowing me) I am a pretty fidgety person, so couch cuddling is tricky. There’s no eventual-falling-asleep to ignore the stiffness in your neck. I usually bounce between about 3 cuddle positions (with dude relatively stationary. god help me if I ever date someone as fidgety as me) and breaks of non-cuddling. There’s the upright chest-pillow. Then I’ll rotate, putting back against his side, with his arm draped around my neck or over my chest. Then to the other side of the couch with my legs swung over his lap, or sitting face forward with one leg slung over his one leg.

  16. Cuddles! So very very very important. You got some of the good positions down, but two important variations include the Split Leg Spoon and the Knees Up. I think you saw them already though, because I think Alex and I were the fools demo cuddling at your wedding?

Leave a Reply to Stalking Sarah Cancel reply

Required fields are marked *.

Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. You can also subscribe without commenting.