Still wanting to marry Collin after Pennsylvania’s required three-day “cooling-off” period, I will be heading downtown to pick up our marriage license today. And then the trouble starts.
Collin and I applied for a self-uniting marriage license. This means we do not need an officiant to marry us, we can simply marry each other. Once we have the license in hand, we can get married AT ANY TIME there are two witnesses around to hear us say “I take you as my husband” and “I take you as my wife.”
Knowing Collin, I suspect he will be saying “I take you as my wife” VERY OFTEN over the next two weeks. Thankfully, I have the power to stop us from getting accidentally married so long as I don’t accidentally say “I take you as my husband.”
If that sounds simple to you, you clearly don’t watch as many romantic comedies and sitcoms as I do. It feels all too possible for me to accidentally marry Collin before our wedding.
What if I try to explain this situation after we have the license and Collin pounces on the opportunity get the required signatures? What if Drobin (who will definitely be out to celebrate Independence Day) gets impetuous? What if I doze off on a friend’s couch and talk in my sleep? And then there is the rehearsal, which has accidental marriage written all over it. I don’t want to be deprived of my last night of living in sin!
After this post, I will not be using the words “I take you as my husband” until July 16. Maybe when the subject comes up pre-wedding I will say “Schma schmake schmu schmas schmy schmusband.” Wait, too risky. Maybe should say “I take you as my octopus.” There we go.
Collin, I love you, and I want you to be my octopus, but please try not to marry me until our actual wedding.