When Collin and I decided to temporarily move out of the United States, we both agreed that our timing was fantastic as we’d avoid the drama and nonsense of a presidential election. As much as I love America, and believe that the bedrock of its greatness is its democratic system, I’ve been burned out on politics ever since [OVERT STATEMENT OF POLITICAL BELIEFS WARNING] George W. Bush got reelected despite demonstrated gross incompetence. I vote every election, even the primaries, but I just can’t get too keyed up about this stuff anymore. In my defense, I started being active in politics before I could even vote, and by time I was 20 years old, every candidate I’d ever worked for had lost, and I was just DONE. I’ll vote for you, I’ll make some paltry donations, but you can’t have my time or my enthusiasm just because you are NOT the candidate who thinks I’m not really a human being because I have a uterus. And as long as one of the major parties refuses to acknowledge my status as a real human being, it’s not like I have to waste any time paying attention to the issues to know who to vote for, so why. effing. bother.[/OVERT STATEMENT OF POLITICAL BELIEFS]
So anyway, not being in the States for this election cycle? Definitely a bonus of our crazy cross-planetary move. [Disregarding the fact that I will be in the US for most of October, when election craziness peaks]. All I really have to do to be in an election-free zen mode is scroll past 100 Facebook updates about politics and 50 Facebook updates asking people to stop using Facebook about politics and then 200 Facebook updates defending the use of Facebook to talk about politics.
The only drawback? Feeling like I’m missing out on cultural unifiers. My dear friend Regina lived in Japan during the aftermath of the 2000 presidential election, and one time in college someone made a joke about a “hanging chad” and we all had a good dated laugh, and she innocently asked, “What’s a chad?” I don’t want this to be me.
So I tried to not entirely shut out the news coming from the conventions. Here’s what I picked up on that might have a lasting impact on pop culture:
- Clint Eastwood yelled at a chair
- Tampa, Florida is taking some of the heat from New Jersey as “butt of all jokes”
- Paul Ryan lied about his marathon time
- Michele Obama is the classiest and most graceful person on the planet
- Bill Clinton is still alive
Did I miss anything important?