1. Far too many items on my pre-wedding to-do list begin with the word “buy.”
2. I got a second-degree burn on my right pointer finger in a candle-lighting incident (word to the wise: the wax on the wick of a never-been-used candle burns hotter than regular candle wax). My first thought after “ow” and “Shut up Collin, I am legitimately hurt” was “I wonder if this will heal before the wedding.” The weeks before a wedding are extra dangerous for accident-prone folks like myself.
3. I hate pornography for making it impossible for me to ask social media where I can get a good facial. But I don’t know, and my jawline is breaking out, and my understanding is if I wait much longer it will be Too Close To The Wedding for a facial. Boo.
4. Conference calls with your ceremony musicians are more fun when your ceremony musicians are your friends.
5. Delegating is not as stress-relieving as people say it is when you still have to answer questions and make decisions regarding the tasks you’ve delegated.
6. Our wedding hotel is The Absolute Worst and I keep wanting to call them and say, “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? You are in for some bad internet press!” but then I a) suppress my delusions of Internet Grandeur b) figure I should wait to see how the actual weekend of the wedding goes before slamming them c) worry that they would put itching powder in my sheets out of retaliation because if they had ANY business interest in providing anything better than The Worst in customer service, we’d wouldn’t be at this point. But if you are getting married in Pittsburgh and want the poop now, email me.